Beanie's Blog: Was today just a glimpse of the future?

Ultimately, I shouldn't really complain about today. You expect to wait. You expect fasting to be tough. You expect the day to not to be fun. But it just had so many ups and downs and I can't help but need to get it out.
I thought for sure a 2 year old who had to fast would be in the morning. Then we got a 1pm appointment. Then I got a call around 9am today asking us to come in at 11:30, fantastic! Except, somehow there was a mistake and nothing was actually moved up. So we went through check-in and got settled in a tiny room only to find out the anesthesiologist had us on his schedule for 2pm. I wanted to cry. Childlife brought a DVD player with Tangled (She loves Punzle!) and some toys. Other than a few heart breaking moments of her digging through our bags looking for snacks then banging on the door yelling "I hungy!" she did famously. I couldn't have been prouder.

Finally we got to take her into the CT scan room, and I held her while they put her under. She struggled and was scared and then her little eyes closed and she was out. I shed the first of what I assume will be many tears. But I pulled it together fast, there will be a time for that and an easy test isn't that time.

I think the hardest part of all of this is that it's a 5 minute test. If she was old enough to have laid still then we wouldn't have had to go through all of that.

I wanted to be there when she woke up but we were brought back a few minutes too late. So by the time I took her in my arms she was hysterical. She kept trying to rip her IV out, she wanted nothing to do with the monitors, the nurse, me or the popsicle a lovely nurse brought to her. And all I could think was that in two weeks she's going to have a central line attached to her chest and cables and tubes attached to her for weeks! I know she'll get used to it, but it's going to be a few long days getting used to it, I think.

She also kept asking "Time go home? All done?" Heart. Breaking. Hopefully we can make her room as happy and homey as possible.

I also learned that I do indeed need to remember to eat and take care of myself. Because I wasn't feeding her I wasn't feeding myself. I tried to convince Dan he didn't need to come today. I'm so glad he did! Because by the time I gave in and ran to the cafeteria to grab a salad I was shaking and in pain. So Baby #3 gets bumped a little higher on my list of priorities (not that she wasn't before but I have to remember).

Add in dead stopped traffic on 76 and realizing my back tire was so flat my car was leaning to the back left and we had quite the day!

Thankfully it ended with Selene happily twirling in her Cinderella dress, Ainsley telling me all about her day with Nana, showing me the book she created for Selene, telling me about how she was the only one to earn a marble today because she gave a classmate the pony that she had gotten to first but the little girl wanted, and rocking my baby girl to sleep. I can't ask for more than that!

Each day at a time. Even if this is a glimpse of our future, I don't think it's more than we can handle.