Reminiscing

As I sit here getting ready to go to bed I'm thinking about where we were last year. Frantically packing. Trying to have all the comforts of home while at the same time keeping it light (more stuff=more cleaning). We had no idea what would come. Worrying about things like not letting Selene eat in the morning because of her broviac surgery, what we would do in the hospital for 6 weeks, how she would handle chemo, what she'd look like bald. Restlessly sleeping, if you could call it that.

It's comforting to sit here knowing it was all for naught.  Tonight, I'm going to go to bed and while I won't be sleeping, it will be because I'm rocking a baby and calming Selene's fears of the dark.  Tomorrow we'll wake up and make coffee and oatmeal. Maybe we'll go shopping before nap time, maybe we'll do crafts. And I'll thank God for bringing such healing to our family.

One year ago. Oh how much can change in a year.

Closing In

Feb 2 Note: I wrote this last month and forgot to publish it. It's short and sweet.

Almost at the end! This was Selene's second to last IV antibiotic. Thankfully since this was a 6 hour day.  Of course she never stops smiling through all the arm hugs, sticks and waiting.

Dan's boss and work family have been amazing, letting him take over these appointments. How blessed I am to have him to take care of this girl!

Clinic time

all smiles all the time

My helpers!

This face warms my heart

Little did they know this snow was a drop in the bucket.

Sisters

"My bleeding is getting messy."

I know life is all relative and this is all trite but today was a tough one in the scheme of my sanity.  I decided that I would take Selene to the "hostital" today.  Which means last night Kalina was up from 12:30-3:30. No matter what I did she wouldn't sleep. Being in our bed meant pulling my hair, slapping Daddy's face and crawling to the foot of the bed. Being in her rocking chair meant straining to grab the curtains and doing her best to rip them down. Laying in her crib meant screaming bloody murder. Good times.

I managed to get us up and out the door with Dan home to manage the other girls. After a quick stop at Starbucks, the sun was shining and it was open road...until Lincoln Drive.  Waze kept telling me to turn left. When Waze tells you to do something, do it.  Traffic was crazy, I didn't know Falls bridge was closed and by the time we got to the parking garage Selene said "Mom, can you just go the right way next time?" Ok threenager....

After a few awkward shy minutes at music therapy (for a kid who puts life to music she sure clams up at music therapy) we got called back to start the IV. I thought things were going to go great when the nurse said that everything was running smoothly today. Then she couldn't get the IV to thread. Switched hands, and then she couldn't get a blood draw through the IV.

We had a lovely visit with Ellen and Dr. Bunin and went over the details of next appointment-Echo, Ekg, blood work, all the good stuff to clear us!  Then we were sent to have the lab draw her blood. The only time she cried was when I made her leave before Palace Pets were still on.  It makes my heart swell when everyone comments on how amazing and cooperative she is. 

The only time I was a little mad was when she was digging in our snack bag and I asked her to wait while I packed up. I looked over just in time to see her pull the lid off of my cashew/sesame seed/craisins mix and splatter it across the floor.  Of course she was angry that I wouldn't let her eat them off of the floor...I'll admit, I considered for .02 seconds eating those big yummy cashews off of that dirty floor. Sadness.

Things improved once we got settled in the day hospital and hooked up to our IV, at least for a little while. At one point the nurse noticed Selene's arm turning a little red. We thought her ID bracelet was on too tightly so we cut it off. An hour and a half, and a few raids of the snack room later, we were on our way home.  We had just pulled onto the highway when I hear "My bleeding is getting messy." Ok ok. I look back and scream. There is blood soaked through her bandage and all over her sleeve. I gave her a tissue, which she tried to hold on. My heart was racing and before I could get to a place to pull over she fell asleep. I decided we'd just figure it out at home.  I took her arm to clean it up and it was puffy and firm. Totally swollen. I called clinic and they said to just keep it elevated with a cool compress (we were already doing that). It doesn't seem to bother her and she can wiggle her fingers, so here's to hoping she wakes up with a normal arm.

I can't believe next month is our 1 year appointment and that a few weeks will bring all sorts of one year anniversary's, re-birth celebrations and memories that at this point seem to be a lifetime ago.

May everyone sleep through the night tonight, including me.

Playroom cupcakes

Her territory

Snuggled up in her warmed blanket

You can't see her bloody arm and I didn't think people would enjoy a close up :-)
 It was a long day!