Beanie's Blog: "I had fun today!"

No joke, those were the words Selene said to me as we drove out of the hospital parking garage. Who is this kid??

I was really hoping we were going to have a clean record. No fevers, no hospital stays, just a kid defying the odds and rocking transplant.

I'm not going to lie, it's a little overwhelming to see a fever pop up (102.9) where you would normally give some tylenol and put your child to bed and everything would probably be fine. Or maybe you head in to see your pediatrician for an ear check. But nope, panic immediately sets in and you fumble through dialing the Oncology Clinic Nurse line, a number you memorized AND put in your phone for such occasions but then blank on when your heart starts racing.

When the nurse answered and I said "This is Jennifer Bell and my post transplant child has a fever." She replied "Oh no! Is it Selene!? This is Colleen." What a relief to know the person on the other line, we see her weekly/biweekly in clinic. She has the best teal watch that always matches her pretty teal nails. And of course she said what I was expecting, you need to come in and pack a bag, you'll be admitted.

The house was a mess and I was just about to start dinner. I dashed around getting the girls ready and packing bags for Selene and Dan. We were going to meet in Oreland for a hand off.

As soon as I dropped her with Daddy and got back in my car I burst into tears. The wave of adrenaline was gone and emotion took over. Ainsley was confused and asked why I was crying. It's so hard explaining truthfully without scaring her.

When we got home I had told her we would clean up together and then she could have a treat and then we'd go to bed. After battling her about cleaning (our constant daily battle), she lost it. I was so frustrated and angry that she was being difficult when I had so much to do. Then she screamed "I want Selene!" It broke my heart that I didn't realize she was also scared.

After I got her to sleep I ran around preparing milk for the baby, cleaning up and leaving information for the next day. I guess a blessing to Kalina taking a bottle (ok, only bottles, we still haven't gotten that fixed yet) is I didn't have to worry at all about her. I have a couple hundred ounces in the freezer and the fridge was full of fresh milk. A huge relief compared to having to leave the first two girls when they were little.

The next morning Nana came up to stay with the girls and after driving through Starbucks, I made my way down. I almost burst into tears as I walked into the Bone Marrow Transplant unit. It was home only for 5 weeks but it will always be a huge part of our lives.

It was nice to be there with no masks or diet and food restrictions. I was so excited for a full menu! Until I kept trying to order her food that they don't give to her age range. No fajitas, no salad, no stirfry...just cheeseburgers and chicken fingers. What the heck do they think 2.5 year olds eat?! Thank goodness it was just one day, I couldn't go back to the unhealthy food with no options.

She of course was amazing, other than some crankiness from lack of sleep and a little boredom. They put us on precautions since she had a cold last week and a fever. She kept asking to go ride in the car, but we can't get all those other precious kiddos sick!

On the bright side we got to see some of our favorite nurses! She was so happy when Deb came in to visit.

Selene napped from 4:30-7 and woke up starving. So while she gobbled up some spaghetti the nurse prepared our paper work. Selene packed up her "Punzle" backback and kept asking to go home. She was singing a song about loving her sisters. She makes me swoon sometimes.

It was quite the experience, but one I hope not to repeat. Our next visit to the BMT unit better be after a clinic appointment!

Thank you for all of the prayers! She's doing well today, no fever, and eating and playing up a storm. Now if only she and Ainsley would nap!!